I miss you so much… it hurts!

The song played on repeat in my head. No, not the song, the line- Nobody said it was easy, no one ever said it would be this hard. Sigh! The power in these words were almost stinging my wounds. The pain it made me feel was unimaginable, beyond this harsh, hard reality.

Yes, I am moving away; yes, it’s another country; and yes, it’s a different time zone. Yes, I won’t see you for a long, long time; yes, it won’t be the same anymore and yes, thinking about this makes me miss you mad. I know it will be very different, I know it because I will feel it. Every day. Every day that I’m here and you’re there, I will feel it and I will miss you.

I will miss you when I wake up in the morning, knowing that I won’t be waking up to a ‘Good morning sexy!’ Instead I know a few hours of conversation is just going to turn to, “it’s late. Good night. I miss you.”

I will miss you when I am having a bad lunch because I know I won’t be able to just text you. You will be asleep, going away somewhere far in your dream land. The least I will do is hope to see you there.

I will miss you when I’m walking around in the streets of Boston, during a warm, summer afternoon. Because that’s when I’ll be living the dream we both dreamed.

I’ll miss you during the quiet evenings wondering when the sun will shine bright so I can hear from you again.

I will miss you when I am dancing alone at a nightclub while love is oozing all around me or when someone buys me a drink and I will have to politely refuse. And I know you will get up really early just so that I can finally receive a ‘Good morning’ only to see me reply ‘good night’. I will miss you even then.

I will miss you when I have your entire schedule memorized and you will have mine, but both of us just have a tiny bit of space in it for each other. I will miss you during all of those days that we spent together. Each day (read: every day) that holds a special memory that deserves a celebration.

I will miss your hugs, your kisses, your letters and your messages. I will miss your voice and your face, your smile and your warmth. I will even miss fighting with you or crying with you. I will miss insulting you, ridiculing you, laughing with you. I will miss gazing in your eyes, losing myself in you, becoming you.

I will miss your drama, your warning, your scolding and even your silent treatments.  And when this missing sill isn’t enough, I will miss you so much… until it hurts!

Yes, I know, I know what you will say- leave all the negativity aside, we will figure it out. We will prove all those fuckers against long distance relationships wrong. “Why are you bothering about all this right now,” you will ask. “We still have moments together.” I won’t deny and I won’t be negative. It will work, but before those few moments fall into my lap, and as I prepare for a takeoff, I will mourn.

Because no matter how happy I am, no matter how much fun I’ll have, I will still miss you, until I don’t have to anymore.


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